Strangled

OH, Mama.  You are about to lose your mind – or your patience, or your cool – maybe all three at once. 

Why, you ask?  As you sit here on what should be a normal Monday morning, Benjamin is currently whining in his broken record way about “My fork! My fork!  MYYY FOOOORRRRKKKKKKK!”.  Being the fork (or in the case, forks) he shoved through what once was a tiny hole in the window screen, but is now fork sized.  The forks are now on the other side of the window, thus rendering them useless for entertainment.  Never mind for eating the “mac and CHEESE!  Mac and CHEEEESSSSEEEEEEE!” which he wanted not mere minutes ago. 

Not to mention said hole in said screen was made fork sized by the current set of forks being shoved through.  Say what you will about the wild man, he was never this deliberately – or gleefully – destructive.  Only Benjamin. 

And why are the windows open on this balmy morning?  Oh, because during the 30 seconds you took to use the bathroom, Sam decided to also use the bathroom.  In the house.  Mercifully on the tile (not his usual mode de employ).  But at least you’d be able to easily clean up your own vomit after you cleaned up his mess.  Mama can stomach just about anything - but she draws the line at dog poop.  Maybe its because its because I'm stymied by the stench.  So much that Mama called Dad with a warning: “If you come home to a dog corpse, just know I strangled him with my bare hands.”  And I wouldn’t be sorry.  Not really.  I might even use my best Joey-I-just-ate-your-dessert voice when I say, "I'm not even sorry!" 

Not when Andy’s refused to do school work, not when its 11:30 before I eat something besides a handful of cereal, not when I can’t take the time to use the bathroom without it all going downhill.  Not when all I’ve heard all bloody morning, from one child or another, is “Mama!  Mama!  MAMA!  MAAAAA-MMMAAAAAAA!”  For the love!  I am only one tiny woman! (How many Friends references can I work into this post?) 

Its alright.  I remind myself its alright.  Its not how I want it to be, but its alright.  I will eat some chocolate chips, take a deep breath, and attempt to not harm these creatures – be they two or four legged – who love me.