The first month

Benjamin's already a month old.  Hard to believe.  Moments have been achingly slow - mostly those in the middle of the night where he just won't sleep.  And yet, its hard to believe that he's almost out of the newborn phase.  And since he's my last baby, I'm doing my best to enjoy him.  Which can be pretty hard when he's cried for two hours straight because he just won't let himself fall asleep.

And oh sleep.  How I miss it.  Telling myself that I'll be able to sleep all I want in 20 years doesn't take the edge off these days, where I'm sleeping for 45 minutes at a time. If I'm lucky.  Its hard to keep your perspective when you're at the end of your rope.  But as I look at Andy in disbelief, wondering where the last four years have gone and feeling like it was just yesterday that I was doing this colicky dance with him, I do my best to not wish these days to hurry up.  To listen to Benjamin's little meows and watch him as he begins to become more aware of what's going on around him, as he responds to the sounds of our voices.

He reminds me so much of Andy.  Very alert and aware of his surroundings.  Very much wanting to interact with his environment.  Which means that he needs all stimulation removed so he can go to sleep.  Read between the lines and realize how hard this is with Andy and Elizabeth around.  Like Andy, he's a high maintenance baby and needs things to happen routinely.  When he's ready to eat, he needs to right then.  When he's ready to sleep, I have about 30 seconds to get him in sleep mode, otherwise he gets himself worked up and will cry for the next hour (or more) as he fights sleep.

But he's also like Elizabeth.  He looks like her - same shaped head.  And like her, he likes to burrow his head into the crook of my elbow.  Also like her, he does better sleeping on his own.  Andy needed to be held to sleep.  But Elizabeth and Benjamin are squirmers and sleep best on their own.  And being the bad mama that I am, he sleeps on his belly.  Whatever it takes to get him to sleep.

He's been working hard this last month.  Gaining three pounds and three inches.  Also like Elizabeth.  He's tall - 90% percentile.  75% for weight.  Already his arms and cheeks are looking chubby.  He still has those skinny Diehm legs, though.

Sweet baby.  Happy one month!